No Heat
by sue2008
Summary: Only after the tragedy strikes the secret is coming out. And coping is never easy. One shot. COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer: The show Castle is not mine, nor are it's characters.**

**A/N My first Castle fanfic. This one has been on my mind for some time now and finally I forced myself to put it on paper, well, to the computer, but you know what I mean:)**

**Anyway, enjoy...**

**No Heat**

It was unusually warm summer. The sun shone persistently, but it wasn´t able to to warm up the room. The air conditioning had nothing to do with that. The last few days stroke to the middle of what once was comfortable home more that the last year and a half year could.

Richard Castle took of his shirt once more. He knew he was probably going to be late, but he couldn´t force himself to wear his usual funeral outfit. There was nothing usual about today´s funeral.

Alexis knocked quietly on the door but entered without waiting for invitation. She was paler then usual and her eyes though dry now wore traces of cried tears. She was ready to leave and he knew she just came to check on him. Even in the slightly remote state he was in, he realized it wasn´t OK. She was still teenager and she should be the one slightly annoyed and constantly late. Instead her eyes showed nothing but concern and her lips seemed like they forgot to smile. He promised himself, that if he was able to get through today he was going to make up every single worry to her.

"Dad, it´s almost time" she pointed put needlessly and appraised the situation with one look. She reached into his closet and unmistakably pull out the shirt he was trying to avoid.

"Just wear this" she ordered and without paying further attention to him started to create a tie knot. It were only minutes from there until they were seated in the waiting cab. There was no way either of them could drive today.

As the cab made its way through the city traffic, he closed his eyes and tried to forget where they were going to. He could feel Alexis grab his hand in the innocent gesture as she tried to show her support and maybe gain some strength from him to get through the day.

They arrived to the place and the unmistakable mood stroke him. There was no denying what was going on.

The funeral of Kate Beckett was about to start.

.oOo.

Year and a half earlier

_The world was freezing over. It was already third day snowing and despite all the effort of the city council the weather was slowly taking over. The days at the police station were quiet, it almost seemed like the killers went all for the winter sleep._

_Castle entered the precinct building and nodded welcomes all to officers that passed him, especially to the female ones. He hadn´t even get out of the elevator, when he heard Kate´s voice, cold as the weather outside._

"_I ´ve told you to stay home until it stopped snowing" she reprimanded and made one smooth move to hide whatever she was holding in hand. Ryan, who stood next to her, looked slightly confused but he was used to go where the boss led him, so he put the most innocent face on._

_Castle ignoring the not-so-warm welcome sat on his usual chair flashed his boyish grin and asked innocently._

"_What are you hiding, Beckett?" and then he noticed huge bouquet stuffed in the rubbish bin and chuckled._

"_Whoever sent you those, must have seriously pissed you up. I´m glad it´s not me..." and as he noticed her serious look he went to all defending mode "It´s not me, really. I have far more better taste than to pick that kind of bouquet and far more sense than to sent you flower to your workplace"_

_It made Kate actually smile._

"_I know..." she admitted "...it´s just..." he should have never find out what it was. In this moment the phone rang. She had a short conversation, put the phone down and announced_

"_Well, guys, the winter holiday is over. We have a body in the river. Let´s go" she ordered and with almost cheerful mood added "and dress well, it´s freezing out there"_

_As they all stuffed themselves into the elevator, Castle had no idea it was the last he was ever going to see of Kate Beckett._

_.oOo._

_Castle even try to insist as she drop him by his apartment in the evening. The weather was getting worse, if that was possible, but Beckett rejected all invitation without the room for discussion. He figured it was something to do with the guy with terrible taste in flowers, so he decided to drown the jealousy in some good wine._

_The next day his arrival to the station wasn´t so glorious. The headache was killing him, but he noticed something off anyway._

"_Where´s Beckett?" he asked Esposito, who just sat at his usual place._

"_No idea, she didn´t show, didn´t call. Maybe she´s playing hookey" the detective pinched in the place he knew it was going to hurt._

"_Beckett?" Castle wondered._

"_Good point" Ryan agreed and Castle was already on the phone. He let in rung until in was disconnected automatically._

_He put on his jacket and went back for the elevator. Without single question Ryan and Esposito joined him. There was no way they were going to start the day without the boss. But as the afternoon turned to the evening she was still nowhere to be found and the more they looked, the more it was obvious she was determined to disappear for good._

_.oOo._

_A week passed. Terribly long week during which Castle was every day at the precinct, sometimes doing something, sometimes just hanging round hoping that Kate would show up. After that guys just pointed out that if Kate didn´t want to be found there wasn´t much more they could do. She was gone._

_They even try to convince Castle to shadow another police officer, but after few tries it was more than obvious it wasn´t good idea. In a month he dropped going to the precinct at all, satisfying himself with once a week call to either Ryan or Esposito. He always try to seem like nothing was going on and he was just catching up with them, but both the detectives knew to just say they didn´t hear from Beckett and the conversation was soon over. _

_He put all his frustration in a new book. It was called 'Missing Heat' and it put Nikki in grave danger while her city was caught up in terrible snow storm. It was his way of coping. _

_He finished it within few weeks, even though he struggled with the ending. It took him a while before he admitted to himself he wasn´t able to let Nikki go, not yet. So he came with breathtaking ending when Nikki was miraculously saved by complete stranger and the book became bestseller the moment in hit the shelves. _

_The dedication was: To KB, wherever you are and it added the air of authenticity and mystery to the book. The masses loved it. He intently added to the book few scenes that would make Kate blind with fury and kind of hoped it would lure her out. _

_And it did, well, kind of. In tenth week of the book staying number one, which beat even his Stormfall, he got a bouquet of flowers, that vaguely reminded him of something. He made it as far as the kitchen table when he realized it were the exact flowers he had once seen in Beckett´s rubbish bin. The card said 'I hope you hate them the way I hated your book. Congratulations.' He knew who was the sender. _

_The day the flowers came in, he stormed the police station, demanding all resources being thrown at it. But it was all in vain. The flowers were sent from small, but surprisingly busy flower shop at the suburbs, paid in cash. The attendant managed to vaguely describe the person that purchased them, but wasn´t able to pick Beckett from photo-collection and the shop had no camera system. It led nowhere. The guys started to repeat to him like a mantra: if she doesn´t want to be found, she won´t be..._

_He used to drive around the flower shop every day, but month later this habit faded as well. Even he had to admit that Kate Beckett was gone for good. _

_Then he started be moody. Martha took it for whole three months, but as his attitude changed from hurt and sorrowful to angry and offensive, she gave up and moved out. _

_On the other hand Alexis started to be seriously worried about her father. He stopped writing at all, but what was worse, he stopped going to the parties and other social events. She completely dropped the idea about leaving for collage early. And when nothing changed by autumn, she decided to apply for college in the city. It never occurred to her she should feel robbed of her dreams. Her father was there for her when she needed him and now was her time to be there for him._

_After Christmas things seemed to be moving in the right direction. Castle still wasn´t able to write, but started to go out, sometimes even stayed late with bunch of friends. The tabloids welcomed the return of one of the most attractive to the public scene enthusiastically, pairing him up with every single woman who was unlucky enough to be caught on the photo with him._

_.oOo._

_As the spring turned to summer Alexis started to believe her father was going to be OK. But then the phone call came. He gave up calling the precinct months ago, so detective Ryan calling was something unexpected._

_Alexis watched hopefully, but even the very short conversation finished by her father hanging up turned down every seed of hope._

"_Beckett´s dead" was all she got out of him. She took sharp breath in, closed her eyes and took few seconds to compose herself. Before she could do anything, Castle grabbed his things and left. Her first instinct was to run after him, but she gave up. Some time apart might do both of them good._

_Castle aimed straight for the precinct. He believed more than knew after all the time that the guys wouldn´t just satisfy themselves with the information that Beckett is dead. _

_On the other hand Ryan and Esposito were expecting him. If it wasn´t such a grave moment they would for sure bet each other how long it would take Castle to get to the precinct. And they would probably both have been surprised at the speed he arrived with._

"_What do we know?" Castle asked without any kind of welcome._

"_Castle, sit down..." Ryan started carefully. He literally picked the shortest straw when they were deciding who was going to tell Castle about Beckett._

"_Don´t try to sugarcoat it with some bullshit!" he threatened but sat down anyway._

"_She had a stalker" Ryan admitted straightly. There was no better way to put it that to just saying it. "He started tracking her here, but probably followed her wherever she went. She was found dead in his liar, in San Francisco. For some reason she hoped that the anonymity of the big city would be able to save her."_

"_But how she died? Did he traced her? Did she left her guard down? Why did she run in the first place? And who the hell was he?" Castle burst out the questions._

"_OK, take it slow, bro" Esposito brought the visitor cup of coffee although he knew they could all use something stronger. "One question at the time"_

_Castle took one sip of the coffee, settled himself on the chair for longer story and then nodded to Ryan. He was ready to listen._

"_We had no idea, when or how it started, Beckett had never come to us for help. We could just suspect that something was wrong, but the only thing that ever gave anything up were the flowers, you might remember the bouquet in the rubbish bin..."_

"_I remember, but I had no idea what was going on" Castle admitted._

"_Neither did we" Ryan continued "it looked like she had unwanted admirer and at some point we had all thought it had been you"_

"_Me?" Castle wondered "Seriously, I thought you had known me better"_

"_We did. It was bad time, Beckett was on the edge for no obvious reason and we all knew you had a very soft spot for her" Esposito dared to tease._

"_Yes, but stalking?" Castle stood his ground._

"_No one suspected it went so far. All we knew about were the flowers with some stupid card. Beckett had just been moody for some time and few times accidentally dropped a hint, like late phone calls or unsigned love letters. It all seemed so harmless at the time..."_

"_OK, so we all were clueless" Castle summarized. "But how did she get from being stalked to running away and being killed?"_

"_We don´t know what led her to running away, we can just suppose. And no one can tell us why she had to die as well. When she was found dead there were the body of the stalker as well. I guess she was tired of running."_

_It all seem believable, but Castle caught the quick look that Esposito and Ryan exchanged._

"_What is it?" he asked but if he had known what was going to be the answer he would have changed his mind._

"_The stalker liar...it was full of photos, paper clippings and google searches of Beckett's friends..."_

"_So..."_

"_Beckett's friend's like us...you...and Alexis..." Ryan got out of himself carefully. "From some letters that were found where Beckett was staying, we believe he threatened her to hurt us. It was why she took the stand."_

"_She knew how stalker's mind works. She knew if she was careful enough she would get chance to finish him off"_

"_She knew there would be a huge chance of her being killed as well" Castle guessed._

"_Yes" Esposito admitted after considerable break "She'd have realized that very well."_

.oOo.

And now he was there, watching the coffin being lowered to the grave. He knew his life would never be the same. He loved her although he had never the chance...damn...he had never been strong enough to tell her. And now she was gone. She went to meet her death for him. Was it sign of love? Or was it just her stupid hero-complex? Was it her need to save the whole world?

Or maybe it had nothing to do with him. Maybe she was just tired of running. Or maybe she just made a mistake and was taken.

The frustration was becoming unbearable. He felt the urge to destroy something. To kick to the flowers, punch the coffin or just lie on the ground and scream. How he wished he had just one more day, just one more hour with Kate. To ask her, to tell her...

Just as he thought he wasn't able to conquer the feelings he felt Alexis' small hand on his shoulder. He realized he had clenched his teeth and she was worriedly watching his inner fight.

He took one deep breath and then another before he opened his eyes and realized his feelings were forming into words.

"Let's go" he whispered to his daughter and watched as she relaxed. He didn't know why now, but something has changed within him and she saw that in his eyes. That something she loved the most about her father was back.

She wasn't really surprised when they came home and he walk straight to his computer. Within minutes the soft sound of typing filled the flat.

Alexis almost cried with relief as she watched him secretly while she made quick conversation with her grandmother. The whispered words "He writes" turned her world back on it' s feet.

Castle didn't notice her nor would he even if she yelled to the phone. He was back in his world. There was nothing he could do for the original, but there was still Nikki. There was something he could do for her and pay in that way respect to the most intriguing person he had ever met. He was ready to let go. Nikki was going to face the worst opponent ever and finally she'd make the ultimate sacrifice for the person she loved.

But it wasn't going to be just some tears-squeezer. Nikki would know that she'd leave more question than answers for the living and she'd know that her death would left the living in serious pain. But she'd decide to do it anyway. Not only to finish the threat but to finish her pain as well.

Castle knew he had written another bestseller before he even had time to read it in whole. As he typed the title he closed his eyes and whispered his last goodbyes. As he opened them the satisfaction about his creation grew even more. 'No Heat' was exactly what the readers...and his bank account...needed. He smiled as he checked his calendar for tonights engagement...he was back.

The masses loved the book and the ladies loved the author. It was like all this years ago, before he had ever hear about detective Beckett. He was once more the overgrown child with almost unlimited bank accounts. Only sometimes, when he had sex with yet another miss no-last-name or when he sat alone in the afternoon, he felt like something was missing. It was the part of him that had been ready to grow up and change the course of his life. This part of him had died with Kate and he did his best to forget there had ever been such a part of him.

He did his best to avoid the pain.

**END**

**So, this is it. I crave to write some real drama, but I'm not completely satisfied with this one. I guess, I'll have to practice and next time I'll do better:) **


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